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Relationship Advice: Breaking The “Unavailable Men” Pattern

With Valentine’s Day around the corner, we decided to feature relationship wisdom this month. Enjoy our February series of tips, tools and advice.

Q: I am ready for partnership but it appears I have a pattern of choosing emotionally unavailable men. How can I break this cycle and move through the part of me that’s preventing movement in this area of my life?

A: The fact that you are willing to take responsibility rather than blame men for your unsatisfying relationships is a powerful step in the right direction. We get ideas about relationships from our earliest role-models. If, for example, your parents were committed to each other, but appeared depressed, you may believe that commitment equals unhappiness. If you witnessed relationships where you perceived one person as dominant, you may equate intimacy with loss of self.

Maybe you’ve had bad experiences in close relationships? Then having a mate who is truly available might feel too risky.

In order to break your pattern of choosing unavailable partners, it would behoove you to explore your beliefs and fears about relationships, either on your own or with professional help. Start by writing about your experiences and perceptions regarding intimacy and commitment. Ask yourself, “What do I get to avoid by choosing unavailable men? What benefit to I gain by choosing men who can’t share themselves?” As you get clearer about your underlying reasons for avoiding true connection, you’ll become clearer about what you don’t want and consequently crystallize further what you do want in a partnership.

This new found clarity is the basis of the first step in manifesting any dream: Identify what you want. For example, I want to experience intimacy where I am safe and supported to be who I really am. I want an experience of commitment where we bring out the best in each other. I want a relationship where the ‘WE’ is more important than the ‘I’. I want a relationship where ‘for better or for worse’ really means something.

Once you know what you want, replace the “wants” with “willingness” to create intentions and mantras on which to focus your attention. Willingness is the key that unlocks all doors to all dreams. As you practice being willing to believe that you can have the relationship of your dreams, that your fears can be laid to rest, and that the past does not have to equal the future, then the Universe will begin to send you leads in the form of epiphanies, conversations, resources, teachers and romantic possibilities that will guide you towards your ultimate vision of partnership!

If you enjoyed this post and would like to learn more about how you can experience more of what you want in your relationships, join me at my next free teleclass, From Lonely To Loved: 3 Relationship Lies That Keep You From Experiencing Joy, Connection And Fulfillment. Click Here for info and to register. From Lonely To Loved: 3 Relationship Lies That Keep You From Experiencing Joy, Connection And Fulfillment.

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